Go on. Punch Me In The Stomach

The country's top football clubs are holding crisis talks tonight following last week's rioting. A spokes-idiot said "We simply can't afford to lose any of our 'mindless violence' market share to competition from the high street. Everyone knows that violence does not belong on the high street but in our great footballing stadiums....I mean stadia.....I mean football grounds. This country codified the rules of association football violence in 1863 and one thing's for sure, the sweet F.A. is not about to stand by and watch it be taken over by Dixons".
 The hospitality industry is also worried by prospect of increasing civil unrest, issuing this statement: "Our members feel that if the government does not act soon, the move of violence away from the nations public houses could sound the death-knell for thousands of struggling pelicans.....I mean publicans across the country. We have already seen a growth in the practice of 'pre-loading', whereby our customers kick the shit out of each other at home on cheap supermarket violence  before going for a night out. Many of these 'pre-loaders' may only have two or three fights each once they get into the public house, further eroding the traditional role of the pelican....I mean publican".