I became a little tired today on my daily constitutional walk round the bathroom so I decided to look for somewhere to rest for a few minutes. I was delighted to see a chair-shaped porcelain object which seemed to fit the bill splendidly, so naturally enough, I pulled down my trousers and took a seat. Imagine my utter surprise when after just a few seconds, a little African feller (with appalling personal hygiene) jumped out of my bottom and swam off down the tiny log flume which (I had just realised) embarked from my new porcelain resting spot. Clearly I was not the first person to experience such an event, as a cardboard lifebuoy attached to a flat roll of paper rope had been provided, which I promptly threw after my new African friend, but sadly to no avail.
I was utterly baffled by these strange events and would greatly appreciate any possible explanation you may have to offer on the subject. Naturally I have informed the relevant authorities but frankly, I don't think they took my story of supernatural brown bathroom fairies very seriously.
Yours faithfully
Peregrine Poolord VII.
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