Anthony Worrall Thompson And Richard Madely To Steal Winona Ryder

 I can exclusively reveal that celebrity shoplifters Anthony Worrall Thompson and Richard Madely are to join forces and attempt to steal Wynona Ryder. 'The successful theft of Hollywood goth queen Winona would prove to the Yanks once and for all, that our celebrity shoplifters are the best in the world' squarked Worrall Thompson(who somehow reminds me of a fat seagull). 'Essentially we're doing it for Britain' screamed Madely 'Even though I could easily afford to buy Winona Ryder several times over, I'm going to steal her from right under her own nose. Both my friends think I'm crazy, and maybe they're right! While I will do the actual stealing, Worrall Thompson's role will be to act as a deterrent against us being strip-searched by security staff at the airport'.
 This brave reporter firmly believes that a successful attempt on Winona Ryder will more than make up for the shame this country has carried since  Amundsen beat Captain Scott to the Antarctic and Michael Jackson beat Gary Glitter to Macaulay Culkin.

Winona Ryder is said to be 'utterly disinterested' in the potential threat.