Starvin' Marvin

Richard Bacon

Spice Girls

Gary Glitter

Angry Birds

Crabs

Buckfast At Tiffany's

Carol Vorderman

Ben Elton

Rick Waller

Number One Islamic TISWAS Joke

Robson Green

Fatima Whitbread

Wookie Bungle

Bowen

Estate Asian

I went to the BBC's 'Antiques Roadshow' today to give Fiona Bruce a pearl necklace. The expert who helped her clean it up said that I was very lucky to have come across it.

 I've always been a fan of 'The Roadshow' so I was pleased to see that Fiona Bruce was filming an item about her own collection of classic cars made by The Bristol Motor company. I was lucky enough to see Fiona enthusiastically cleaning her headlamps so they would be ready  for when she reveals her magnificent Bristols to the entire nation on this week's show.

Antiques Roadshow

Last time I went, the specialists at the Antiques Roadshow didn't have time to examine all my bits and pieces so it's back again today as Fiona Bruce has kindly agreed to finish me off in the church hall. This time I want to know the history of my grandfather's regimental tartan and find out a little more about an old German helmet which he brought back as a 'souvenir' from The Great War. My antiques are in terrible condition though, so I'm hoping that the crew can film Fiona looking up my grandfather's kilt while I quickly polish his helmet.

Nice Googlies

The Antiques Roadshow is back and I took some of my old cricketing memorabilia(including the balls used in the 1926 Ashes test at The Oval) to show Fiona Bruce and the team. As it turned out, Fiona is an enthusiastic cricket fan and she agreed to have me bowl a couple of deliveries at her. To my horror, the inevitable happenned and one of my deliveries reared up viciously and hit her square in the jaw. We laughed about it later, but Fiona said that while she was pleased that my equipment still worked after all these years, if she never had my leathery old balls bouncing off her chin again it would be too soon.

What Arthur Negus Really Enjoys

I found filthy old painting of an Elizabethan fighting ship in the attic today, so I took it along to show Fiona Bruce and the Antiques Roadshow team, who just happen to be in town. I can't wait for Arthur Negus to see my pride and joy. Fiona said he had become quite animated when she told him I had a well oiled man of war tied up at the docks and covered in seamen.