Nottingham: Ready For War

This photograph shows what appears to be the erection of the dome/clock tower of Nottingham's famous council house during it's construction in the late nineteen-twenties. The eagle-eyed among you however, will not have failed to notice the obvious similarities between this photograph and the infamous U2 spy plane photographs of Soviet ICBM silos under construction near Havana some thirty years later which led directly to the Cuban missile crisis, pushing the world to the very brink of nuclear armageddon . 
The truth of the matter is that the Council House dome was not built for aesthetic reasons at all, but does in fact house a Russian built R36 intercontinental ballistic missile armed with a single warhead containing an eight megaton yield nuclear device capable of creating a fireball with a 30 mile blast radius, which is kept permanently fuelled and ready to launch at Derby city centre at a moment's notice.
While we all hope that the use of the missile will be necessary, it is reassuring to know that it is there, guarding us like a huge and utterly insane thermonuclear dog guarding it's favourite radioactive megabone even though the deranged canine knows that exploding the deadly megabone a mere 15 miles from it's own kennel would inevitably result in it's own instantaneous vaporisation. Ironically, at the same time as killing it, the fireball would completely cure the hypothetical dog(which I have named Cloughie) of the rabies which led to it's insanity in the first place. The Lord giveth, The Lord taketh away.
Fortunately the city council have built in rigorous safeguards to prevent an accidental launch of the device. On deciding that the time is right to launch a pre-emptive strike against Pride Park, Robin Hood will send the launch codes via two blindfolded carrier pigeons to Sue Pollard and Christopher Dean, who both hold one of the keys which simultaneously need to be inserted into the anus of each of the two stone lions guarding the Council House on The Old Market Square side of the building. Once this is done, the launch procedure is(for obvious safety reasons) irreversible.