Olympic Go Bye Bye.

If I know anything about you saps, it's that you're probably getting withdrawal symptoms without the Olympics to distract you from your horrible lives. Fortunately for you, I have agreed with myself to make up some Olympic news just to stop you from throwing a suicide javelin right up you own nose. Here's the first instalment:

BONG! In a surprise result, the 110 meter hurdles has been won by a hippopotamus called Sally.

BONG! Taking inspiration from their ancestors, the Chinese table tennis team have assured victory for themselves by building a thousand mile long impregnable stone wall right across the middle of the table.

BONG! The Olympic rings are based on the anatomy of the founder of the modern Olympics Pierre de Coubertin, who had five anuses so that his wife could pick him up like a bowling ball and throw him at the television every time Eastenders was on.

BONG! 'Tweddle' is an Anglo-Saxon word meaning to talk rubbish while doing a forward roll.

BONG! The 2012 Olympics were actually held in Coventry(see picture).