Imagine my horror: Knowing that The Queen was visiting my home town of Nottingham today to open something we probably don't want(like a tractor factory or Prince Edward or something), and knowing that the flightpath of the royal helicopter would lead her directly over my house, I prepared myself to strike a decisive victory for democracy.
Both my parents are French*, and they recently passed to me our most valued family heirloom, the very guillotine once used to decapitate Louis XVI! I could feel the regicidal power of this monarch hating super weapon boiling away beneath it's utilitarian exterior, so I readied myself to help it relive it's 18th century heyday one last time by firing it at the royal flight as it passed overhead. I hefted the guillotine onto my shoulder, and aimed it directly at the Q's helicopter and(knowing that my aim was straight and true) depressed the release catch.
Nothing happened.
Of course, what my parents failed to tell me, is that the guillotine is a gravity powered weapon which is only useful for murdering monarchs who's heads are BELOW the height of it's flashing blade at the point of release.
When I say 'nothing happened', I do of course mean 'I condemned us to another thousand years of chinless tyranny'. Sorry about that.
*Not true.
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