Putting the 'bile' into 'Jubilee'.

I would like to take this opportunity to express on behalf of the nation, the gratitude that we all feel for the magnificent sixty year reign of The Big Q. We could all do well to remember that The Q-Unit spends very little of her royal time floating down The Thames on a golden barge, in fact she very rarely leaves her bed chamber at all, where she spends most of her time laying the millions of eggs from which all English speaking people are born.
So next time you think about making some smart-arsed comment on our mentally ill royal family, just remember HMtheQ stuck in Buck Palace firing eggs out of her cod-cannon like a Bangkok lady-boy with a brand new man-clam and a fresh bucket of ping-pong balls.
I for one am dreading that fateful day when our illustrious leader finally pops her clogs and the sky darkens when, as one, the entire population of The Commonwealth rises up into the air to form a giant swarm in order to locate a new Queen.